I had to write to Vegas to say "Thank You!" I have been feeling guilty for a while, although I know (in my secret, rational side)that it's not necessary. My divorce has been a very long time in coming (and I'm still waiting...), but I have been feeling guilty. Sometimes almost regretting this life-changing choice of mine. It's been a blessing and a burden. Now that the "burden" part is nearly over, I am trying to focus on the "blessing" part. I am trying to appreciate my decision for what it was: a recognition that the marraige was not what I needed and that I hadn't been happy in years. In a recent blog, Vegas wrote: "...what was perfect for us 5 years ago may not be ideal for us now because we are constantly chnaging, maturing and perfecting ourselves..." This was just: PERFECT. I have thought it many times, I have said it in so many words, but it hadn't clicked. Today...it clicked. It's a relief to try to go on, to forgive yourself for doing something that needed to be done. It's hard knowing that the choices we have made in life affect those closest to us, and sometimes not in a good or helpful way. But, it IS helpful to realize that it's for the best in the long run. It's what I needed and I can finally try to forgive myself. So, to Vegas: Thank you!
Well, guys, I have to work tonight, so no trick-or-treating for me. But, to all of you who are going out to celebrate, dressed as your favorite ghoul, monster, goblin, superstar, home appliance or lawn tool....
To all our bloggers and relating to authors published ONLY within the last 50 YEARS: My question(s) is/are: (And I'll go first...)
*****1) what do you read for fun? Well, in my quiet times-- that I value very much, by the way!-- I tend to read or surf the web. I just finished reading "Isle of Dogs" by Patricial Cornwell (blah!) and am next going to read "Book of the Dead" by the same author. I love her Kay Scarpetta series books. I also love to read other crime and mystery novels, both fiction and non. Biographies (auto or otherwise), too. ******2)Why do you like these books? I tend to gravitate towards books that are somewhat true-to-life, or "it could happen" type scenarios. I didn't like "Isle" because it was terribly impractical, predictable and unrealistic. ******3)Do you learn anything at all from them? If so, what? Her books are researched tirelessly and include alot of medical jargon and explanations as it relates to crime and the human body. I like this sort of thing, and I find the little bits of information stimulating. *******4) If you could ask this author any five questions related to his/her craft, what would they be? A. Why do you choose the subject matter you do? B. How do you decide how the victim will "die" and who it will be in your books? C. What types of books do you read, by whom? D. Are you at all like any of the characters in your books, which one(s)? E. Which authors / people inspire you the most and why?
Have you ever been at a point in your life where you feel like you are right there on the edge of a really big change, but you just can't seem to get everything in life aligned? Where you know what you want to do and how to do it, but you just can't seem to get the world to cooperate? Where you need to change things in life, but it is drastically more challenging than you ever anticipated it would be? And you KNOW that this is it! This is "the one thing" in life you are missing to bring out the best in you-- as a person, as a woman (or man), as a productive member of society? (not that I'm not productive already, I just want more out of life...much more!). Anyone ever encounter this phase in life? How do you beat the feelings of helplessness? There are just times when you are at a point where you simply CANNOT move forward without other things being finished!--True
Okay, people. These are serious questions. No kidding. I have SO much going on in life, and I need some realtime advice from women who've "been there, done that" before me. I need to make these decisions, but I wanted to get some input from those more experienced than myself (lol!). If you've been through a nasty divorce/ custody battle, then this blog's for you! As a divorcing woman, going through what I would like to believe are some of the same circumstances and feelings that many of you have already conquered, I'd like to pick your minds for some information. I will list some questions I have been rolling about in my head, and would like for you to respond to what ever ones apply to you, or whichever ones you have a truth-based opinion about.
1) did you get custody of your kids (full or shared) and why? 2) did you ever consider taking less than full custody, and if so,why? (PLEASE be honest about this one, the "consider" part-- I really feel like I'm in the minority here...) 3) if you had an ex that was capable of caring for the kids in a decent fashion and you needed to get your life in order (go back to school and such) would you have considered lessening your custodial time? even if it meant "setting a precedent" in the court's eyes...this means that you cannot go back easily. you would have had to stick with this decision the rest of your (and for the kids') lives. 4) do you think a mom is any less of a mom if she does not have at least half custody of the kids? 5) if a mom is in a situation (financialy) where life will be a struggle, no matter if she has the kids or not, would you suggest to her that she take on less of a responsibility of the kids (and pay the ex child support), so she can go back to school? (and fight for more custody later?) 6) or would you suggest she keep the kids the way it is now (half time, shared) and tough it out, paycheck to paycheck, for the duration of the forseeable future?
These are some really tough questions, guys. And I'm looking for some help in considering all facets of my situation before making any decisons. Any help you can offer would be appreciated. Thanks--True
Hey Guys! I have been gone for quite a whle now. No, I have not been dating, I've just been submerged in what I would like to refer to as "life". However, it feels more and more like simply "existing". Lately, I think about dating and missing the male-side of life. While I like being alone (my "quiet time), I miss the companionship. I miss someone making me feel that "way". I have not dated anyone since the separation/divorce (almost final-- THANKK GOD!) in Nov. '06. I think the women will understand what I mean more, but men might, too. I'm just in that place, wanting companionship but not wanting committment. Scared to date for fear I might go too far, too fast, but in a way really *needing* to. I think maybe the interaction is the most important thing right now, but I can't make myself do it. What do you think?--TrueFriendInMe
If this happened to you: You began communicating with someone, and actually made definitive plans to meet that person. On the day (or the day before meeting that person), they stopped ALL communication. He would not return emails, did not call...nothing, nada. After a day or so of failed attempts to communicate (minimal, mind you, I did not want to seem like a freak or stalker!) with that person, I "wrote them off", no longer emailing, didn't call. And then, out of the blue, about two months later, he sends an e-mail/wink, asking me to call. WIERD! MY QUESTIONS ARE: 1) Would you call? 2)If so, WHY? 3)Would you wait until he contacted you again?
See, I didn't call. I e-mailed and (mistakenly--honestly) told him I no longer had the number. I also said he had been rude (to not respond to my emails or calls) and that I thought it best we talk a bit via e-mail, first, so no one would get hurt if tings went awry in a phone conversation. AFTER emailing this, I found the number later, in my old phone--I had kept the phone for a "phone book" of sorts--it's really nice.
Just looking to see what is considered "acceptable" or the "norm" for these things. I don't want to seem like an unforgiving B****, yet, it could be he just wants to say he really didn't like me after all, and just decided to finally TELL me. What would YOU do? Insight from more experienced "daters" would be greatly appreciated!
I'm hesitant to say I'm "cautiously optimistic", because it seems life likes to kick-you-when-you're-down, but I am 35 today and so glad I've made it through the last few weeks. They have been tremendously difficult-- and not because of vanity or self-loathing reasons, but for reasons that would be related to the personal difficulties I've had with the divorce . Two VERY different things! But, I made it and am slowly moving forward. I seem to be more hopeful about the future, even if only on a small scale. But atleast I'm not in that "dark place"-- like I was Thanksgiving Week. I'm glad I atleast logged on to LF and vented some--I hate to think of the alternative... So: HAPPY 35th BIRTHDAY, TRUE!
Come ON guys! This is getting absolutely ridiculous! I thought I'd do some searches (In response to the "law of averages" blog). So, I searched--basic age (35 to 45yrs old) and 100 mile limit parameters. Guess what I found? A lot of SLACKERS! Do they really expect honest, hard-working, true-to-self, looking for love women (or even men, for that matter) to respond to the following(?):
Dear Santa: I wanted to write you to tell you what I want for Christmas. It seems that for the last 15 years, you have misunderstood what I meant when I described my "wish list". So here is a poem I wrote to help you in your gift selection for me this year:
Ease into it, girl. Don't try so hard. Not all of us are heathens that need saving. I have my faults, mind you, and so do my neighbors. Thanks for trying to help us, but it IS a bit much. (That's a MILD version of what I originally wrote...) **I've revised my blog here b/c I think what I originally wrote is rude, now that I've had some time to think it over. My apologies, sincerely, if I've insulted anyone on the subjects prior to. I should have kept my nose out of it anyway, as I didn't even know what blogs everyone was talking about. I still don't, b/c apparently, they've been removed. So, in good faith, I apologize to Travelnanny if I've insulted her, and I hope to keep an open dialogue with her.
I was going to pull a short shift at the hospital this Sat. nite, but it was cancelled, so I had a free night!
I was going to go out with a friend, but she couldn't, so I hung out with her for an hour and a half, and then around midnite, I drove to a bar. I actually got out, walked in....and then turned around and walked right back out! I drove to Taco Bell, got a meal, because that was TOTALLY humiliating. Then drove to ANOTHER bar, and only made it to the parking lot-- where I didn't even park! So, I just went on home and had my dinner.
I was TOTALLY chicken! Does anyone out there go to bars alone? Is it safe? Do you meet people? It's in a decent neighborhood. I do think I went too late in the evening to really make a go at it. Next time, I thought I might go around 8 or 9. But beyond that, I am a lost cause. I haven't been out in this capacity in over 13 years! And I've NEVER been somewhere alone. I'm chicken. Any ideas, people?
sure. we can chat. im not a full member, but we can chat through the blogs here. if u want. im at work right now, so i can't write too much. but i thought i'd drop a few lines. your profile is very vague. what do you mean by just "casual"? a geting to know u type thing? if so, then that's fine with me. i'm really here for the same thing. hope 2 hear from you. truefriendinme
Ok. This might be REALLY personal for some people. But I think I need some help on this particular subject: Sex I am a 34 y.o female, single for quite a while now, even while I was married (if u catch my drift...). I have put on weight since first getting married, and having children and going through 13 years of a marraige I hated. So, needles to say, I am uncomfortable with my body. I am trying to change what I can, but in the mean time, I would like to better accept my physical self. I want to be comfortable with ME if I were to come across someone with whom I might consider sexual relations. Writing this makes me want to cry, because it is not something I talk about with anyone. And I've only recently come to realize how much I've neglected myself while in my (unhappy) marraige. So, I have serious doubts I will ever attain a pretty figure again, and I have a very hard time accepting myself, as I am. Besides the typical advice (diet and exercise, which I am trying to do--but it's really hard), does anyone have any advice? How do you come to that place in your heart/mind where you can totally accept yourself? I really need this at this time in my life. So, if anyone has any good suggestions, please let me know. And thanks for trying to help! ;)
****new****** Oh, Wow. I didn;t expect people to actually respond, but this is wayyyyyyy cool! And appreciated! That body Positive source is nifty. I will check it out. Thanks for all the up-lifting advice, guys. I hope I come to terms with the things I cannot change soon! And change those I can! I'm certainly trying! Thanks, again...
